Endless Dream
by yukuro
Summary: It was always easy for Yuuta to exlaim how much his brother annoyed him. Who knew it was just as hard for Fuji Syusuke to admit just how much he loved his brother? [SyusukexYuuta]
1. Part One

**Disclaimer:** We all wish so, but no…

**Pairing:** SyusukexYuuta, TezukaFuji?

Endless Dream

Part One

by: yukuro

How easy it would be to live in a dream world; never having to face harsh reality and cruel people with their rigid thoughts. As wonderful as it sounded, it was impossible, as Fuji Yuuta found out rather quickly. In the world where tainted creatures like people roam, there would be no space for a dream world.

Yuuta fell back on his bed in his St. Rudolf dorm, staring up at the ceiling. He had just hung up the phone after a long conversation with his older brother. Fuji Syusuke was always teasing him, making unnecessary comments, and embarrassing him, but Yuuta could always feel his brother's love in his words. Love. This was what made him feel strange inside.

His brother had always teased him about dating him and saying provocative things. Yuuta found them embarrassing in public, but it was impossible to hate his brother. Even while blushing and angrily exclaiming at his brother _not_ to make such comments, sometimes Yuuta wondered what it would be like to actually go on a date with him.

Blushing, Yuuta rolled over and buried his face in his pillow. How very wrong of him, he already knew. His brother had always been the person most important to him and Yuuta loved him more than anyone else, even if it was not exactly noticeable. It was difficult to understand what exactly he was feeling, but whatever it was, he blamed it on his growing body.

Groaning, Yuuta rolled off his bed and prepared for a shower. It was the last school night of the week and he did promise he would go home the next day. He needed a shower anyway. After tennis practice and extra training, he was sweaty and tired. Besides, he needed to wash out all the weird feelings he was carrying and clear his confused, aching head.

He could drown out his thoughts with a shower and forget them for a while, but they always came back in his dreams. Yuuta began to dislike his dreams ever since his brother's smiling face began to plague them. It kept reminding him what a horrible person he was for feeling so strangely about someone with blood ties to him and a boy nonetheless. For Yuuta, there were not even dreams to escape to.

In the morning, Yuuta woke up, had breakfast at school, and got ready to go home for the weekend. He was stuffing things into his tennis bag when Yanagisawa burst into the room with Kisarazu behind him.

"You're going home this weekend da ne?" Yanagisawa asked with disappointment. "Too bad da ne… I wanted us to play today!"

Rolling his eyes, Kisarazu stepped on Yanagisawa's foot to get him to keep quiet before saying, "Ignore him, Yuuta. We just came to see you off for today. Have fun at home with your brother."

Yuuta forced a polite smile. How ironic was it that right when he was trying to forget the fact that he would have to struggle at home with his brother, Kisarazu had to bring that little point up.

"Yeah, I think Mizuki has a crush on him da ne!" Yanagisawa exclaimed, receiving another sharp stomp on the foot from Kisarazu.

Raising an eyebrow, Yuuta frowned slightly at the thought, suddenly disliking Mizuki for a moment. His frown quickly disappeared and he laughed when Kisarazu grabbed Yanagisawa by the ear and ushered him out the door.

"We'll see you when you get back," Kisarazu said calmly, dragging a wailing Yanagisawa out the door.

Sighing, Yuuta stuffed the last few things he needed into his bag before stepping out the door. The last thing he needed was reminded of his strange feelings towards his older brother. It was already troublesome enough to be home for the weekend.

It was a quiet train ride back home for Yuuta. One of the reasons he had first gone to St. Rudolf was to get away from his constantly smiling brother. He _did_ start going home more often, but that was when he had thought that he had better control of his awkward feelings. Apparently, it was on progressively getting worse.

"Tadaima."

Slipping his shoes off, Yuuta put on some house slippers before walking into the house. From the lack of voices calling out to greet him, he assumed his parents were not home. Shrugging it off, he headed towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

"What about this question here?" Fuji Syusuke was saying with a smile to Tezuka Kunimitsu while they were seated next to each other at the kitchen table, crouched over a pile of paper and books.

Freezing, Yuuta stared for a moment at his brother sitting so closely to someone else. Silently, he turned and tried to sneak back out without being noticed.

"Yuuta!"

Freezing again with one foot out the door, Yuuta turned back with a fake smile plastered on his face. "Aniki… Sorry to interrupt your study session."

"That's alright," the blue-eyed boy said cheerfully, beaming at his younger brother. "Tezuka was just helping me review for Monday's world history exam. I'm glad you're home though. Let's play tennis later, alright?"

"S-Sure," Yuuta said, his smile twitching. Without another word, he turned around the corner.

"Aren't you going to spend some time with your brother, Fuji? He stays at St. Rudolf, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but… I still need some help studying."

Squeezing his eyes shut, Yuuta stomped up the stairs, feeling angry. He really had no reason to feel angry, but he went up to his room and slammed the door quietly anyway. Dropping his bag on the ground, Yuuta fell face-first onto his bed, staring at the wall with empty eyes.

"Why do I have to have these kind of feelings?" Yuuta mumbled into his pillow, feeling annoyed. Sitting up, he punched the pillow. "Kuso! What's wrong with me? It's just Tezuka-san… He's friends with aniki…"

After beating on his pillow for a while, Yuuta fell back onto his bed and fell asleep. Two hours passed when there was a soft knock on the door, waking him up. Sitting up, he mumbled, "Come in."

"Did I wake you?" Fuji Syusuke asked, trademark smile in place as he stepped into his younger brother's room. "Sorry, but I wanted to see your cute face."

"Aniki!" Yuuta exclaimed with a frown, throwing his pillow at the smiling boy's face. "Don't say such weird things!"

"But it's fun to tease you, Yuuta," the older boy replied with an easy smile, tossing the pillow back at the younger boy. "How about a date before dinner? We haven't played tennis together in a while."

"If you wanted to play tennis, you should just say so from the beginning," Yuuta muttered, his face slightly red. "Who wants to go on a date with you anyway?"

"You always seem to be eager to accept," the older boy replied with a cheerful smile. "Ne, Yuuta?"

"Shouldn't you be with Tezuka-san?" Yuuta asked dryly. The moment he said it, he wished he had just kept his mouth shut. He did not want it to make it like he _wanted_ his brother to be with someone else. That was the last thing he wanted.

Much to Yuuta's relief, Syusuke laughed. "Come on, Yuuta. Lets go play a game of tennis."

They ended up on the street tennis courts, rallying easily while discussing things at school and what was happening in their tennis clubs until rain began to fall from the already gray sky. Stuffing their racquets in their bags, the boys ran to the back of the bleachers where the rain was blocked.

"Ah, right when we were having fun," the older boy said with his usual smile. His blue eyes opened as he stared out into the falling rain. "It isn't often when Yuuta can be so open with me."

Averting his gaze from his brother's wistful face, Yuuta stared out into the rain as well. "You say that like I hate you."

"It would be easier that way, even if it hurt," the blue-eyed boy whispered to himself, his smile becoming painful. He apparently did not notice Yuuta had heard and was looking at him with an equally painful expression.

Turning his eyes away again, Yuuta stared back into the rain, listening to the water drops fall from the sky and splash onto the ground and bleachers. No one else was around, only the rain was there to witness.

Squeezing his eyes shut abruptly, Yuuta slid over until he crashed into his older brother. Flushing slightly, he put an arm around the shocked boy's shoulders and pulled him close.

"Baka aniki," he muttered roughly, keeping his eyes closed to avoid his brother's blue eyes. "I could never hate you."

Head resting on his younger brother's shoulder, Syusuke directed his confused gaze out towards the rain again. Eyes closing, a small smile appeared on his face. "That's right, isn't it?"

Around them, the rain continued to fall.

--- ---

The remaining weekend Yuuta spent at home was quiet between the brothers. Fuji Syusuke remained constantly smiling at home but his teasing had grown less. Yuuta could only watch out of the corner of his eye as his brother vacantly moved about he finished dinner with a quiet, "Gochisousama deshita."

"Syusuke seems to be worried about something," Yumiko said musingly as she washed the dishes, watching her blue-eyed younger brother move about mindlessly across the other side of the kitchen. The three children had gathered together after dinner again to clean up. "Know anything about this, Yuuta?"

Picking up another plate from the table, Yuuta merely glanced at his brother. Sighing quietly, he turned back to the table and muttered to his sister, "Not really, nee-san."

Yumiko smiled at her youngest brother before starting on more dishes. She had only asked because she knew. Giggling quietly, she whispered to herself, "What complicated love problems Yuuta and Syusuke have."

"What was that, nee-san?"

"Nothing."

Syusuke had already disappeared from the house when Yuuta left for school again. His sister and parents bid him goodbye, and he left with a smile plastered onto his face, but the moment he was on the train again, his smile disappeared.

Sighing, Yuuta stared out the window, silently watching trees and building zip by. He might have been imagining it, but it felt as if his brother was avoiding him. Yuuta knew "tensai Fuji Syusuke" was always busy with his famous tennis club, but that had never stopped him from saying goodbye to him before he went back to school on weekends. No matter what kind of fights they had before, Syusuke would always wave goodbye to his brother with a smile on his face.

Once back at school, Yuuta retreated to his dorm, where he found himself face down on his bed again. He only had a few seconds of silence before the door burst open again.

"Yuuta! You're back da ne!"

"Oof!"

Yuuta groaned when his senpai dived onto him. "Yanagisawa-san! Please get off of me!"

Rolling his eyes, Kisarazu pulled his friend off of the younger boy out of sympathy. "Calm down, Yanagisawa. Yuuta doesn't look like he's feeling very well right now. How about giving him some space?"

"What's wrong, Yuuta?" Yanagisawa asked out of curiosity, poking the boy's shoulder. "Did you eat something funny da ne?"

"No," Yuuta mumbled into his pillow.

"Trouble at home?" Kisarazu guessed.

"Kind of," the younger boy answered vaguely, his eyes void of emotion. "I guess… My brother was kind of distant when I came home…"

"Does Yuuta have a brother complex da ne?" Yanagisawa asked, chuckling to himself. "Just like Atsushi!"

Lifting his face off the pillow, Yuuta sat up to look at Kisarazu for a moment. The black haired boy studied him in return with a serious expression. There was an awkward moment of silence in the room before Kisarazu spoke again, "Yanagisawa, I'd like to talk to Yuuta alone for a minute. Would you mind?"

Blinking a few times, Yanagisawa shrugged. Ruffling Yuuta's hair, he left the room obediently. "You owe me, Atsushi da ne!"

The silence seemed to stretch endlessly. Yuuta began to feel nervous with the way Kisarazu's concerned eyes watched him. Breaking the connection of their gazes, Yuuta turned to stare at the wall. "Yes, Kisarazu-san?"

"Yuuta," Kisarazu began quietly, studying the boy's nervous expression. "Do you like your brother?"

"Of course!" Yuuta muttered, his face turning slightly red. "I mean, sure I always complain about being related to him and things like that, but it doesn't I don't like him or anything…"

"That's not what I meant," the older boy said bluntly, making Yuuta stiffen. "I recognize the expression on your face when you talk about him. Such painful eyes can't only be over a little silence at home."

"How would you know?" Yuuta asked quietly, still staring at the wall. "I don't… I mean, I _can't_. Aniki is…"

Kisarazu's eyebrows knitted together in silent, growing concern. "Yuuta," he interrupted gently, "do you know why I came to St. Rudolf so easily? Usually, it would be a difficult decision to come all the way to another city for school and be so far away from family. Do you know why I came with such little persuasion?"

"Fight a lot with your brother like me?" the younger boy sighed, closing his eyes. "Kisarazu-senpai, did you not get along with your brother very well?"

"Not exactly," Kisarazu said with a hint of a smile before his expression turned serious again. "Actually, it was because I loved him too much. I left to spare him the pain. Our parents were desperate to separate us anyway."

Eyes snapping open, Yuuta turned to stare at the older boy with furrowed brows and a flushed face. It made him stiffen to hear those words. He opened his mouth to say something, but the words would not come out.

"I'm not saying that kind of love is necessarily a good thing," Kisarazu said slowly, turning to direct his gaze at a blank wall. "But…when you love someone, there's nothing you can do about it. The only thing you can do is accept it and then move on. I don't want to see you hurt, Yuuta."

"That's not the problem," the younger boy muttered quietly, his hands moving to his forehead. "Maybe I do love my brother, but aniki…what is he feeling? He always jokes about us going on dates with a smile, but I can never tell if joking or not. I know it's wrong of me, but I can't stop, even when I command myself not to."

"Emotions can't be so easily rid of," Kisarazu replied, eyes closing. "Actually, I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, but I just don't want you to hurt the way I still do. Yuuta, don't hurt yourself."

Turmoil clouded Yuuta's mind when the door quietly clicked shut again. His situation seemed to have grown worse with time. On the road he stood upon now, he stumbled blindly in the dark, completely unaware of the thorns that grew just along the edges. No matter which direction he turned, he would surely be hurt either way.

They say reality is like a dream; if this were so, then the reality he was living in was surely a nightmare.

Tsuzuku.

--- ---

**A/N:** Gawd. I have super soft spot for brothers. Be it Fuji-kyoudai or Kisarazu-futago, they're just… XD that's just me, anyway. W00t. Well, this has two parts, so please look forward to the second!

Holy crap. I'm too cheerful at the moment for someone who just wrote such deformed angst. Lol.

Thanks again for reading!


	2. Part Two

**Disclaimer:** Exactly.

**Pairing:** SyusukexYuuta, TezukaFuji?

Endless Dream

Part Two

by: yukuro

Fuji Syusuke was always thought to be a strange person. He was a little different from others, despite how he fit in so easily. He had things to hide, and while he wanted to hide them, he also did not wantpeople to treat him differently because of it. It was difficult to find such people.

Throughout his younger years, Fuji was still as popular as ever. Everyone wanted to be near him because he was so smart, so cute, or so great at tennis. He had friends, and quite a few of them, but he was unsure of how many of them were truly loyal. Even while he had friends, he distanced himself from them while still smiling as if nothing were wrong.

Yuuta was also a different child from others. He had many friends himself, and yet even still, he was constantly following his older brother around. Yuuta seemed to be the only one who loved his older brother unconditionally. They had their occasional fights and spats as they grew older, but in the end, they always faced each other with a smile. Everyone always knew that Fuji Syusuke loved his brother, they only did not know exactly how much.

Fuji had always liked to tease his younger brother. His most recent teasing had to do with dating. He found it amusing the way Yuuta would turn red and yell at him, completely embarrassed. Something about Yuuta's flustered face made Fuji feel content.

It was only recently when Fuji noticed how dangerous his feelings were. He had begun to notice small signs that Yuuta may like him in the same way. He had always known that the feelings he had for his younger brother were abnormal and very wrong, but he had never thought of suppressing them before. He only recently began to wonder what his parents and sister would say if they ever found out.

It hardly mattered to Fuji if the world hated him or not, but he had the constant crushing feeling that Yuuta would never be able to stand it. Recently, while thinking these thoughts, fearing his younger brother's destruction, Fuji decided to hide his feelings away to prevent hurting Yuuta. In fact, it was best to forget about his feelings all together. Of course, the task would hardly be easy.

"I'm in love with my brother," Fuji said with a smile one day to Tezuka Kunimitsu after tennis practice in the emptied clubroom. He was unsure of why he chose Tezuka to ask for help, but he would do so anyway. "Do you hate me?"

Tezuka studied the shorter boy's expression for a moment before closing his eyes and pushing his glasses back up. "No," he responded, turning back around to put his racquet into his bag. "I wouldn't judge you for that. I don't know the conditions, so they don't matter to me. No matter what, you're still the same Fuji I know, so I can only judge you by that."

"Don't you think it's disgusting? Should I be condemned to hell? Shouldn't you hate me, Tezuka?" Fuji asked again, his smile still in place.

"It only matters what you think," Tezuka replied stonily, "and I don't hate you."

"Thank you," Fuji said again, quieter this time. His head lowered slightly, his despaired blue eyes opened to contradict his usual smile. "Somehow I knew you would say those things. Even so, I'm still too grateful."

Just like that, Fuji Syusuke had told his darkest secret to someone for the first time. The person that knew his secret now, was not exactly his best friend or the person closest to him, but Fuji felt that he could trust Tezuka. He felt a little better, but that would not completely help him rid himself of his sinful feelings.

Two days later, Fuji asked Tezuka to help him study for the upcoming world history test. Tezuka asked no questions about why he in particular was asked and even if he did, Fuji had prepared an answer. World history was Tezuka's favorite subject, after all.

That Saturday they were studying together in the kitchen, Yuuta happened to come home and spotted them. Fuji did not exactly feel good about it, but he hoped for the best. He greeted his younger brother warmly as if nothing were out of the ordinary, but then went back to the kitchen to study with Tezuka rather than going upstairs to bother Yuuta.

"What are you up to?" Tezuka asked quietly once Yuuta stomped up the stairs.

"I shouldn't have these feelings," Fuji responded easily, continuing to write on a piece of paper. "They'll only hurt Yuuta and that's the only thing I fear."

"So I'm supposed to be a replacement to distract you from your brother?" Tezuka questioned with little emotion in his voice.

"Yes," Fuji admitted rather guiltily. "Cruel of me, isn't it?"

"I don't mind," Tezuka stated, much to the other boy's surprise. "To be desperate enough to search for another person to redirect your emotions to, I'd say you're a little afraid of hurting yourself as well."

The pencil froze on the paper for a moment. A bitter smile curved on Fuji's lips. "I guess you can say that."

They worked together for a little longer before Tezuka stood up and began to put his things away. By the time his last book was put into his tennis bag, Fuji had stopped working. Pulling his bag onto his shoulder, Tezuka turned to leave the kitchen. Just before stepping out of the room, he paused.

"If there's anything else you need," Tezuka began in his usual emotionless voice before it softened slightly, "call me."

The boy at the table looked up to smile at Tezuka's back with grateful eyes. "Aa. Thanks, Tezuka."

Fuji spent several moments sitting at the table, staring down at his world history notes with an unreadable expression. His mind repeatedly showed Yuuta's expression when he first came home. Not being to interact with his younger brother was eating at him like torture.

_This is the last time_, he reassured himself before rising from the table. _After today, I'll definitely make these feelings disappear._

It was completely unbearable to appear before Yuuta with his usual smile, pretending nothing was bothering him. Tennis was a way to redirect his cruel emotions, and it was working for Fuji until the rain started. Though he was unsure how, Fuji ended up leaning gently against the younger boy's shoulder until the rain had calmed. It was such an awkward feeling to have such peace between them, even so, neither one complained.

It was the middle of the night when Fuji called Tezuka. It was a horrible hour for a call and most people in their right mind would not have even bothered. In Fuji Syusuke's case, he was calmly in a crisis.

"I'm sorry to bother you this late at night, Tezuka," the blue-eyed boy apologized immediately, a smile on his face out of force of habit.

"Don't worry about that," Tezuka replied in his stony voice, barely sounding tired at all. "What's wrong, Fuji?"

"I've messed up horribly," Fuji said calmly, his smile as stiff as his body had become. "I need to get away from here for a while. Do you mind if I come over right now?"

"No," came the easy response. "Just be careful on your way over. Even if it's you, it's still the dead of the night."

"Thank you, Tezuka."

It took little to no time for Fuji to arrive at Tezuka's house. A single light was on in the traditional Japanese house. Fuji instantly identified the room with the source of light as Tezuka's bedroom. He had barely stood outside for a minute before Tezuka appeared to let him in. If Fuji had been his normal self, he would have felt terrible for causing so much trouble to his captain. In his current state, he was too lightheaded to think about anything.

"I'll get you some tea to calm you down," Tezuka said simply once he escorted Fuji to his room. His expression remained as neutral as always, not even showing a sign of weariness from being up so late. Fuji sometimes wondered how he could manage to always be so perfect all the time.

Just as Tezuka slid the door open, Fuji spoke up suddenly, "Aren't you even going to ask? Don't you want to know why I've suddenly barged in on you in the middle of the night."

"It's your choice to make whether or not you want to tell me," Tezuka replied before stepping out of the room. "I have no reason to ask you about your personal affairs."

Fuji's distressful smile reappeared once the door was slid shut again and Tezuka's silhouetted shadow slowly moved away. Tezuka constantly surprised him. Perhaps that was the reason Fuji had decided to tell Tezuka his secret.

When Tezuka returned with the tea, Fuji was sitting on his bed, gazing absent-mindedly out the window. Silently setting the tray with a steaming teacup on the nightstand, Tezuka moved to lay a futon out on the ground. He worked in silence and waited patiently for Fuji to speak first.

"Everyone says it's wrong," Fuji suddenly said quietly, his expression hardly changing. "Society, friends, family, even kami-sama himself. Am I just a pitiful soul that is departed from them all?"

Tezuka was silent as Fuji spoke, his gaze resting upon the other boy gently, which was slightly unusual for his usually cold behavior. "Do you think it's wrong, Fuji?"

The blue-eyed boy's smile spread across his face as his hair shaded his eyes from view. "What I think doesn't really matter at all. Just because I think it's right, won't make it so. In fact, there's nothing I want more than to kiss my younger brother, make love to him, whatever way to taint him just to keep other people from getting too close."

Fuji let out a bitter-sounding chuckle. "I would do those things to my own flesh and blood. I truly am the most vile of all human beings."

"You can't control what you feel, it only depends on how you choose to act about it," Tezuka stated calmly, rising to his feet. "It's bad for your health to be up so late. You can sleep in my bed. I'll sleep on the ground."

"Tezuka," Fuji called out quietly, rising to his feet to meet the other boy. With his eyes still hidden from view, he rose up on his toes to place his lips over the taller boy's for a chaste kiss.

Tezuka stood rigidly the entire time, his eyes open and unwavering. Only when Fuji pulled away did he lift his hand to correct his glasses, closing his eyes for a moment. "It won't always do you good to have a replacement all the time."

"Actually, that time I wanted to kiss just you," Fuji stated truthfully with a sheepish grin. His blue eyes opened to revealed crushed emotions. "But you see through everything, don't you?"

"That kiss wasn't real."

"Maybe not to you," Fuji said, too cheerfully to possibly be pained. "But… If there's ever a day when these sinful emotions finally die away, I hope to be able to really kiss you, or at least someone like you."

"The worst part of all this," Fuji said softly, retreating to the bed to face the wall, pulling the covers up to his chin, "is that I always come to you because I know you'll always respond with kind words, telling me everything will be fine even though it won't."

Silently, Tezuka flicked the lights off.

--- ---

Fuji was awoken by the vibrating of his cell phone. He glanced around the room, noticing that Tezuka had already woken up and disappeared from the room. Checking the name on the screen, Fuji answered the phone with a slight smile. "Ohayou, Saeki. Isn't it a bit early for a friendly chat?"

A faint chuckle was heard from the other end. "I'm sorry for calling so suddenly, but it's really not quite so early, Fuji. I figure you've been staying up late again? Anyway, this call is a little more out of concern than just an ordinary friendly chat."

"Tactful as always," Fuji said with a grin before asking seriously, "What's the special reason then?"

"I just received a call from a twin of a certain teammate of mine who _happens_ to attend St. Rudolf…"

Fuji stiffened awkwardly. "And so?"

"Apparently Yuuta's been in quite a fix of complicated problems over the weekend," Saeki stated vaguely in an almost teasing way. "Atsushi's rather concerned about dear Yuuta and his emotional distress from personal experience. I was wondering if you happened to know anything about this matter."

"I didn't see any reason for Yuuta to be stressed over the weekend," Fuji stated stiffly yet honestly, trying not to sound too awkward. _He_ was the one that was stressed. There was no reason for Yuuta to feel that way. "Ever stop to think you may be overreacting just a little?"

"Come on, Fuji," Saeki said. Fuji could just imagine a frown forming at his lips. "You know I care too much about you two to purposely make a big deal about something small. You don't have to tell me what's going on. I just don't want to see you two drift apart again. I've seen siblings drift, and I'll tell you it's definitely not pretty."

A sigh came through the line. "In all seriousness, take care of yourself, Fuji. Whatever you decide to do, don't hurt yourself too much. There _are_ others who care about you too."

"Aa," Fuji responded sincerely. He paused for a moment. "Saeki, do you know about…?"

"I know about nothing!" Saeki claimed goofily with a slight chuckle. "It doesn't matter to me, Fuji. You know I'll keep your secret."

"Thanks, Saeki. You're a true friend," Fuji said, a small smile spreading across his face.

The moment the line disconnected, Tezuka stepped into the room. Averting his eyes, he stated off-handedly, "That friend of yours on the phone seems like a pretty reliable person."

"It's unlike you to eavesdrop, Tezuka," Fuji replied pleasantly.

Tezuka's expression hardly even twitched, his eyes just as passive as always. For a moment it looked as if he wanted to say something in response but then decided against it and silently moved about his room. "Sorry," he said simply, "it wasn't my place."

A small smile of sincerity crossed Fuji's face before his mask was set in place again. Somehow simply being in Tezuka's presence made trying to purge himself of his sinful desires for his brother seem just a bit easier. It was hard to meet someone who was always so kind and forgiving, and Fuji thought himself lucky to have Tezuka as a friend. He only wished the rest of the world was like Tezuka. Still, even if that were so, it would still be no easy task to openly state his true feelings.

Fuji moved through the morning as mindlessly as a ghost. There was no taste in the breakfast he forcefully put into his mouth little by little and the more tea he drank, the dryer his throat felt. Even Tezuka's soothing presence had no effect on his turmoil. The way he felt was difficult to explain. While it was just a day like any other, Fuji somehow sensed something painful foreshadowing. The feeling was so strong he barely had the will to step out the house when Tezuka offered to walk him home.

His arm shook violently as he reached for the door. Even though his smile was plastered on his face like a mask, his fright was clearly visible. The more he reached for the door, the further away it seemed. For once, Fuji Syusuke did not feel as fearless as everyone had always said he was.

Noticing the way Fuji's shoulders shook in silent fear, Tezuka closed his eyes for a moment before reaching past him and sliding the door open. "Just standing here isn't going to resolve anything," he stated simply, snapping the blue-eyed boy out of his trance. "The only thing you can do is move forward."

Somehow, Fuji had found the will to walk again though exactly when had hardly phased him. He had been walking silently next to Tezuka for a long time before the sound of quick-paced footsteps and a familiar voice made him look up.

"Aniki!"

For a moment, he froze and in the next second, he was falsely beaming at his younger brother in a way that made everything seem normal. "What are you doing here, Yuuta? Shouldn't you be back at school already?"

Yuuta panted from running while staring up at his brother with a look of defiance. Finally noticing Tezuka's presence beside his smiling brother, a slight look of embarrassment crossed his face. "I…I did, but I…had to come back…"

"Oh, did you forget something?" Fuji asked cheerfully, his smile slightly strained. He walked past his brother with a light tap on his shoulder. "You had better hurry home and get it so you can get back to school."

"Su…ki…"

It was a quiet whisper, but it made Fuji freeze in his tracks. His hand trembled lightly on Yuuta's shoulder before he pulled it away. Suddenly, the world crashed down on him and pieces of the sky fell and crashed on his shoulders. "Yuuta…"

"Aniki! No," Yuuta's face changed, looking crushed and pained, "I don't want to call you that anymore. I…I had to think about this for a long time, but I wanted to tell you—"

"That's enough."

The words lashed out of Fuji Syusuke so harshly it shocked both Yuuta and Tezuka. There was ice and acid in his words, so sharp and hard, Yuuta was speechless.

"What are you saying, Yuuta?" Fuji asked with a bitter smile, not daring to turn around to face his younger brother. His tone was still hard and dangerous. "You know that I always joke about dating and other nonsense, but I can't believe that you would actually take it seriously. We're brothers, no matter how anyone sees it."

Slowly, a look of realization crossed Yuuta's face. "A-ah…that's right, isn't it?" A slow, heartless laugh escaped his lips and fed his bewildered eyes. As his laughter died away, his head bowed slowly to hide his pained eyes. "Sorry, aniki. I don't know what came over me. Just forget this ever happened."

"Aa," came the quiet response of fake cheerfulness. "After all…that's the way it should be."

A long silence fell across them and slowly, the dark, cloudy skies opened up again. Even as the cold rain fell, no one moved.

"Oh, it's raining again," Fuji noted in a detached voice. Bangs shielding his eyes, he turned to greet his younger brother with an empty smile. "You had better hurry to the train station and get back, Yuuta. I don't want you to catch a cold."

When Yuuta lifted his head again, his eyes were shadowed, but a similar empty smile was forcefully spread across his lips. "You too, aniki. I'm sorry to keep you and Tezuka-san out… I'll leave now."

With the gentle patter of retreating strides along with the gentle falling rain, Yuuta turned the corner and disappeared from sight.

Fuji remained motionless. His eyes were still hidden from sight and that horrible, lying smile still remained on his lips. A quiet, small bitter laugh escaped when Tezuka stepped behind him.

"Are you sure this is how you want things?" Tezuka asked quietly.

"Yes," Fuji stated, lifting his face up to meet the cold rain. "It's better to come to reality and correct your path rather than to live on in an endless dream of delusions. It's easier to heal this way."

"If that's so," Tezuka spoke again quietly, examining his friend's face, "why are you crying?"

Fuji brought his head down to wipe the water out of his eyes. Meeting Tezuka's glance with his best smiling face, he stated, "Baka. That's just the rain."

Besides healing, there's also the painful chance of a dream being a nightmare after all.

Owari.

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**A/N:** Ok, so who else thinks that was a terrible ending? Some way to write this pairing, eh? Urgh… sometimes I wonder why I love angst so much. My eye is twitching. XD Anyway, this was…fun and yet somewhat painful… Hmm… Ah, well, it was a try.

Thanks very much for reading!


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